Innocence and Idiocy

by kitmyers


Spring is coming and our team leader decided that we would go hiking this year as our team building exercise. George had it all planned out, we would be walking up Scafell Pike, which apparently is pronounced “scar-fell” rather than Scafell like scaffolding. Scafell pike is apparently the highest point in England, but I’m not worried, England isn’t exactly the Himalayas.



Spring is coming and yet again I’ve had to go to a meeting because of the upcoming season of idiocy. Every year we get a load of city office workers going up the fells in jeans and trainers and I get called out of work to go and rescue them. One year a group of Japanese tourists went up Helvellyn in suits with briefcases!



I’m packing for my weekend away, we’ll be staying in a little town called Whitehaven. I bought a new pair of trainers yesterday, I want to be comfortable walking up the hill! I’m also gonna to pack my old comfy jeans, a new t-shirt and a hoody in case i get cold. Other than that I’m trying to be minimalist. I need my makeup and toiletries, a couple of outfits for going out, my pyjamas, some day clothes, hair dryer, straighteners, hair brush, underwear, socks and spare shoes, handbags to match all my shoes, jewellery, contact lenses, I’ll be wearing one outfit to travel in but I’ll need to pack another to travel back in.



I’ve got to go to yet another meeting, apparently they’re expecting us to have a very busy weekend. It’s been really bright and sunny for the past two weeks, which means a lot of opportunistic tourists, and to make matters worse the British meteorological service have informed us that there is a big storm brewing over the Atlantic ocean that looks like it’s going to hit us at about midday Saturday, A.K.A numpty day. 



Okay, so, we’ve arrived in Whitehaven and George has arranged a quaint little hotel, called the chase, the rooms are a bit small but oh so full of charm. We’re preparing for a big night out tonight, I wish I’d brought more outfits, I really want my black dress with the silver designs on it.

   It’s a good job can get up with a hangover, because the boys have brought bottles of vodka to drink in their room and have invited me over!


(Next morning)

Oh. My. God. I am so hung-over! I can’t remember what I did last night but the boys were smiling at me and giving me funny looks at breakfast, I hope I didn’t do anything stupid.

   We had a big talk off George his morning, apparently he wants to be the only one with a phone so that “no-one can be antisocial and we can all get in the team mood”, I’ll see if I can sneak it on the trip.




We’ve arrived at the start, I picked up some wi-fi from a nearby pub so I could update. The hill looks a little bigger than I expected but it should be fine, George wouldn’t take us anywhere dangerous.

   George caught me with my phone so I’m going to have to leave it on the bus so I’ll update when we get back down.



It has been a stupidly un-fun, yet funny day, I have been up five fells today and we nipped into the pub for a hot meal and to get out of the horrendous weather when the owner tells us that a group of fifteen went up Scafell in the morning in t-shirt, jeans and trainers, hadn’t left any contact details and the bus was still on the drive. It was thunder, lightening and torrential rain out there. The boss decided to send out a search party. I called it in, there were no active phones in the area but the helicopter pilots were willing to do a fly over despite the bad weather. We set off to be in a good position to locate them on the ground.

   We were twenty minutes from the summit before we got a call on the radio to say that the helicopter had found them but couldn’t land or winch because of the wind sheer. They were about a twenty minute run from where we were.

   When we arrived there was one injured man, apparently the leader/office boss who was in a bad way, dislocated shoulder, broken wrist, couple of broken ribs, severe shock and the early stages of hypothermia, the rest of them were showing signs of hypothermia too. The idiots had put cotton hoodys on to keep the rain off and there wasn’t a waterproof or pair of boots among them, they hadn’t even sent anyone for help when the leader got injured, just milled around in the rain, unable to make a decision. We strapped the injured man to a body board gave them our spare waterproofs and made them carry the man down, under supervision, to warm them up. I don’t think they’ll be hiking again in a hurry, especially not after the lecture they got from the gaffer!




Hiking is awful! And mountain rescue are mean and Cumbria is an awful place!